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Patient Like a Rainbow

10 Dec

I contemplated not writing this.  Just letting this space and its audience slowly fade in the same way it slowly grew. But if there’s anything I love more than coffee, it’s closure.

I created this as place for me almost 4 years ago – a journal of sorts, online only because an audience is sometimes the best way to create voice and focus in writing, and inspired by my friend Melissa Lee to share my experience with postpartum depression.  Any fear I felt with each press of the “publish” button evaporated with the kind feedback that filled my inbox, and soon the words came with a side of courage.

So I kept writing, and somewhere along the way, my words began to help people.

I am immensely grateful for that most of all.

“don’t be afraid should things happen to change
’cause change can be a beautiful thing
should things fall apart
be patient like a rainbow
life is loving and letting go”

– Brett Dennen, Don’t Forget

I’m not sure exactly how to be “patient like a rainbow,” but have felt a shift over the last year in my need to blog, my desire to write, and my place in the online community.  What began as a whisper last winter is suddenly as clear as day.  My love for this space and all it has given me at first left me in denial, but as I’ve begun to focus on other things, I’m now sure – it’s time to close this chapter and step away from personal blogging.

You can still find me writing for Postpartum Progress as a contributing editor and member of the Warrior Mom Leadership Team.  I’m honored to have joined the Postpartum Progress staff as the Warrior Mom Conference Director, and I’m absolutely loving my work over at Crocheted Happiness, creating little works of art from yarn.  I’ll be around.  Just not here.

Thank you so much for being a part of my journey, for reading and commenting.  For sharing and for encouraging me. And for helping me find my courage.  Writing here has been key to my recovery from postpartum depression and to my path into advocacy work and I will always be grateful for all the experiences and people it brought into my life.

With fondness and deep gratitude,

Susan

 

Sometimes It’s…Just What I Needed To Read

22 Aug

Do you see the sidebar over there?  Those nifty little tiles and the list below? They’re not advertisements.  Those are the folks I read.  Every chance I get (which honestly is probably in the bathroom).  The ones I return to when I want to nod my head, laugh until I’m swallowing my own tears, or stretch and grow.

I wanted to make sure you saw them, noticed them.  Clicked through.  Because each of them will say something you need to hear, when you need to hear it.

Earlier this month, it was my friend Story who wrote exactly what I needed (and not necessarily what I wanted) to hear.

I’ve been having a bit of a crisis of self these last few weeks and if I’ve been quiet, it’s because I’ve been spending more time centering on the tangible things I love.  Yarn.  Bach.  Lesson plans and curriculum development.  My family.  Lingering phone conversations with friends.  Slamming my feet into the pavement and sneaking ever-so-close to my 5K goal.

So if you’ll indulge me, I’d like to borrow my friend’s words.  I hope you’ll click through to read her whole piece, because it’s the kind of writing the internet needs more of.  It’s the kind of friendship the internet needs more of.


 

SometimesFrom “For the days when you don’t feel good enough” by Story of Sometimes It’s Hard

… You hear in your head the voice that says “but that doesn’t really mean me.  If they knew what I looked like on the inside, they would see how I’ll never be enough.”

I know.  Me too. Me too.

Doubting yourself isn’t a fault. Feeling disappointed and discouraged isn’t a fault.

Feelings are never a fault.

Be who you are, mama. Be the imperfect, messy, tired, insecure, people pleasing, grouchy, angry, overachieving, ULTIMATELY LOVEABLE person who you really are…


I’ll have more to say about the freedom Story’s words gave me to look inside my discomfort and find myself again…when the words finally decide to make themselves known.  But for now, her words are enough.  I am enough.  Unfinished and messy, I am loved.

Please click through and read the rest of her post.  I actually printed it out, folks.  Seriously.

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