Dear K

26 Feb

Dear K,

I don’t know you, but because we both love Story, I know you must be good people.  The best people.  Because that’s what Story is.

Six weeks in with each of my babies, I began to wonder what I was ever thinking by having children.  The sleep deprivation devoured my brains and even the cat wasn’t immune from my resentment.  So if you’re having a hard time, I want you to know that it’s so, so normal.  A rite of passage, almost.

Story wrote you a wonderful list of 8 things she wish she had known about having babies.  I’ll add on my “things I wish they’d told me” below, with so much love and affection.

~ Susan

(9) You belong to the club now. There is no secret mom handshake, but you will find yourself exchanging knowing glances with other moms out in the world. Let these remind you you are not alone.

(10) There is an industry out there that makes a killing off of mothers’ insecurities.  Promising “the right way” to get your baby to sleep/eat/poop/nurse/learn/everything, they sometimes have helpful nuggets of information.  But mostly?  All those books, magazines, and videos just make you doubt yourself more.  Put down the books.  Listen to your mama gut.  It is there, I promise.

(11) It is okay for other people to take care of your baby differently than you do.  When I stopped thinking about leaving my baby as depriving her, and began thinking of it as enriching her life with the other people who love and care for her, it became easier to make time for myself.

(12) Nobody knows what they’re doing, even if they look like they do.  And just when you think you’ve got it figured out, everything changes.  I may know babies now, but I’m in uncharted territory with my 5 year old.  And that’s okay.  The “muddling through” feeling is okay.  Really.

9 Responses to “Dear K”

  1. Rebecca Smith February 26, 2014 at 10:08 am #

    This was exactly what I needed to read today! Thank you for posting!

  2. rsmith82 February 26, 2014 at 10:09 am #

    This is EXACTLY what I needed to read today. Thank you for posting!

    • learnedhappiness February 27, 2014 at 9:10 am #

      You’re so welcome. I’m glad it resonated with you, Rebecca!

  3. Jaime February 26, 2014 at 10:26 am #

    Sharing this! So much YES to #10, sadly.

  4. tranquilamama February 26, 2014 at 1:59 pm #

    This is what I needed to hear. We are all just muddling through.

    • learnedhappiness February 27, 2014 at 9:08 am #

      Muddling. Yes. I’m having to get more comfortable with muddling, because it feels alot like failure, doesn’t it? But it’s not.

  5. BipolarMomLife February 26, 2014 at 2:05 pm #

    Love this!! The last one really hits home for me. I often look at another mom and think she has it together so much more than I do, but then I remember that we’re all just muddling through (as Jenny put it) and that’s okay. 🙂

  6. elise February 26, 2014 at 6:39 pm #

    and post script to (12) just cause you’ve figured out one kid, doesn’t mean you’ll have the slightest clue with another! the same things/words/actions mean very different things to different people, and as much as we see our offspring as mini-me’s they’re not! they’re totally different little people that don’t always react the way we think they will. (this is something I’ve learned many times over.. and still has the strength to surprise me)

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