Dear Everyone Who Gets A Christmas Card From Me This Year,
I swear I’m not an asshole who is trying to start some kind of photo card arms race with my 6×8 holiday FLYERS. I’m merely an over-worked mom who was drinking wine and doing three other things when she placed her card order. (I mean, really, Shutterfly? You asked me to check my spelling, my dates, my image resolution – but never thought to ask me if I was sober before I hit “submit?”)
Believe me, I was as shocked as you are opening up my package. For a moment, I wondered if my hands had shrunk.
And even worse? I think my Christmas Cards have an attitude problem. I can hear them now, sitting on your table next to all the other beautiful cards you received:
“Aren’t you adorable. What are you? 3×4? So cute.”
“I’m not saying my family is better than yours, but it did take two stamps to mail ME.”
That’s right. I get to pay extra this year to look like a jerk. I think the post office is charging me some kind of douchebag penalty for the size of my holiday greetings.
So when you open up my envelope, have a laugh
for at with me. Then clear some space on a large bulletin board or table and enjoy.
Next year, posters.
p.s. If you get a normal-sized card from me this year, it’s because you got one of the Minted batches. At least I didn’t screw up both card orders, right?