Inked

22 Jan

I have a reputation for being a “good girl.”  And honestly, it’s been earned.  I’m polite in mixed company, friendly, well-spoken, shy in groups, and petite.  I’m not the friend you call when you want to throw a wild party.  Instead, I’m the designated driver, the voice of reason.  Everything about me reads “girl next door” (I hate how E! has ruined that phrase.  I mean, really.).

So the fact that I want a tattoo would shock the people I grew up with – probably my parents, certainly my extended family, and maybe even my friends.  And although it’s not such a rebellious thing to do anymore (several of my IRL friends have them, many of my family members, and apparently tons of the twitter crowd), it’s still outside my comfort zone.

There’s the pain for one thing.  I don’t do pain.  At all.  Yes, I know I’ve given birth, twice.  I’ve herniated a disc in my back.  I’ve broken bones.  But to decide to sit while someone shoves a needle in and out of your arm for 10-15 minutes? There’s something different about that kind of pain.  I worried about what people might think, too.  What would my father say?  And would it keep me from getting hired later on if I return to public school?  Now, I’m proud to say that I care little enough about what others think to do what I want instead.  It’s not that others’ opinions don’t matter.  It’s just that they matter 1% and mine matters 99%.

But more than all of that, it’s the commitment that kept me from it for so long.  How could I choose what to adorn my body with, forever?  I’d need it to be meaningful.  A flower, a bird, a star…none of those would be worth the pain.  I mean, this is art on my body we’re talking about.  I want it to represent me in some way.  I briefly thought about having my daughters’ names or birthdates, but realized I want this to be about ME.  Something that sums up who I am and something I love.

I couldn’t think of an image, so I challenged myself to think of a quote.  And then a quote got whittled down to a word.  Party because it will hurt less, but also?  Because sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words, but sometimes one word is really all you need, if it’s the right one.  If I could come up with one word that I could live by for as long as I have the tattoo…one word that speaks to who I am not just as a mother, or teacher, or wife, but as a whole person…then I would take the plunge.

During my pregnancy, the word came to me.  It’s how I want to live my life now that I know it doesn’t have to be ruled by fear and anxiety.  It sums up everything I’ve accomplished, growing as a person in the last several years, becoming more whole, and is necessary for living life to its fullest.  It’s my life goal, my one word.

COURAGE.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgement that something else is more important than fear.

~Ambrose Redmoon

I’m excited and nervous – but determined not to let fear keep me from doing something wild and crazy and totally out of my comfort zone. I’m torn as to whether I should wait until I’m not nursing anymore.  Some places won’t even ink you if they know you’re breastfeeding.  But that’s okay.  I’m committed.  Whether it’s now, several months, or a year.  I’m going to do it.

So tell me…or link to pictures…are you inked?  If so, why did you choose what you did?  What does it mean to you?

 

3 Responses to “Inked”

  1. katery January 22, 2012 at 3:07 pm #

    do it! if it means something to you, you will always love it. my favorite tattoo is a “p” on my left wrist for the band “the pixies”. it means something to me because i went to see them in concert and the person i went with died a few years ago. plus i really like the band, which is why i got it in the first place.

  2. Velveteen Mama (@VelveteenMama) January 22, 2012 at 4:04 pm #

    I have four, all procured in my early 20’s. They all remind me of who I was when I got them and they all have meaning, although some of them might seem trite to an outsider. I’ve thought about getting another, this time with a little more depth now that I’m getting that much closer to 40. Personally I’m going to wait until I’m done nursing though which could be in a month, a year or longer so I’m really in no rush. At the same time, 4 is my favorite number so I might just stick with what I have 🙂 The pain is very unique; sort of an irritating, burny type pain that feels sunburned after. I breathed through it each time. Keep in mind location on your body matters in terms of how much it will hurt and I’ve heard that where you are in your menstrual cycle will affect your pain threshold.

  3. addyeB February 6, 2012 at 9:57 am #

    I can’t wait to see it. And after getting to know you the past year, I can honestly say that courage is the perfect word for you. Have I told you lately how proud and inspired by you I am?

    Send me a pic when you get it! (I’m getting a warrior mom tat!)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: