I give great advice. Now if I could only listen to it.

11 Nov

The other day on twitter I was accused of being wise.  Now, I grant you, I tend to be a wise-ass, but that isn’t what my #ppdchat mamas meant.  It seems that I always know what to say and how to help.

Honestly, I’ve always been analytical, introspective, and compassionate, so the giving-good-advice thing just kind of comes naturally.  But I fear I’ll be seen as someone who has all the answers and has their shit together, when in reality, I’m muddling through just like everyone else.

Because you see, I give great advice…to other people.  I can listen and put myself in their shoes, mirror back what I’m hearing from them, and truthfully tell it how I see it.  Perhaps I would have made a good therapist.  Maybe it’s part of why I am a great teacher.  But when it comes to myself, I often get so caught up with believing my feelings I can’t see the forest for the trees.  No1 freaks out because her covers aren’t tucked in just so and I fly down the stairs in a rage because I. Am. Done.  Or I go to a playgroup and leave feeling insecure about myself as a mom and a friend…all because someone looked at me a certain way.  Hubs will tell me we are running out of milk and I take it personally, as if he is accusing me of failing as a wife.  And I feel like a burden these days, asking for help because I am eight months pregnant and so very tired.

With practice, I’m getting better at treating myself like I do others.  Sometimes (and with the help of modern medicine), I can step back and separate myself from the feelings enough to judge the situation for what it is.  Those are my proudest moments, lately.  It’s been a tough lesson to learn, but three years of therapy has taught me while I can’t control my emotions, I can choose how I respond to them.

So please know.  I don’t have all the answers.  Really.  I’m faking my way through this just like everyone else is.  And that’s okay.  Life is hard – and anyone who claims to have all the answers is full of it.

2 Responses to “I give great advice. Now if I could only listen to it.”

  1. Mirjam November 14, 2011 at 8:38 am #

    OMG. I could have written every word of this!
    I can totally relate!!
    Seriously, my mouth fell open as I read this, unbelievable.
    Guess what I do for a living? I am a teacher!

  2. story November 14, 2011 at 8:51 am #

    Oh my god, sweetie. This, all of this. Ditto. Word for word. It’s like you are in. my. head.

    So I guess this is why we need each other. We just have to keep telling each other what’s true. Because you are wise and beautiful and an amazing wife and mother. I promise.

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