Jealousy

29 Aug

Annenberg Hall - The First Year Dining Hall

In just a few days, my husband begins his time as a PhD candidate at Harvard University.  Though his first class isn’t until Wednesday, he’s spent the last week in orientation, meeting with his adviser, and taking in the campus.  I am proud of him beyond words.  He has earned every last bit of this and is about to fulfill a life-long dream.  His excitement is contagious and it’s amazing to see him so enthusiastic and hopeful.  But.  Honestly?

I’m insanely jealous.

It’s not just the amazing sights, though they are enough to take your breath away.  It’s that he’s on this new adventure, entering a new phase of his life, learning amazing things from amazing people, and I fear being left behind.  I mean, he spent one day last week touring the grounds and got to peek into Annenberg Hall, and I…well I wiped toddler butt.

This is not a pity party.  Let me be clear.  I choose to stay home with my daughter and I am happy deeply content with the balance I’ve managed to find between being a SAHM and a music teacher.  And just like when I was teaching full-time in public school, I feel fulfilled by what I do.  But let’s be honest.  Although raising children is the most important thing most of us will ever do, snacktime and potty training do pale in comparison to Harvard when it comes to daily routine.  There is no glamor in the day-to-day life of a SAHM.  Although there are may perks (hellooo, pajamas at 2pm!), prestige and excitement are not among them.

Gate to Harvard Yard

 

The bottom line is that the jealousy is my problem, not his.  And I honestly think it’s absent of any deep-seeded longing for my life to change.  I mean, come on…it’s freaking Harvard.  How cool is that???  Who wouldn’t be jealous?  If it sticks around once the novelty of the new school year has worn off, I’ll know I need to reevaluate my choices and see if I want to do something different.  I know he would support me 100% regardless of my dream.  And so I’ve told him, ” Soak in every moment.  Don’t stop telling me about all the amazing things you see and people you meet.  Stay excited – I want you to revel in this before it becomes pedestrian and stressful.”  I really hope he does, because he deserves it.

 

 

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